Saturday, September 1, 2012
"Head Study 4 at AAU"
I didn't paint is because I am having a mental problem. I was like a drug addict with an obsession, I was so into figure drawing and couldn't stop doing it. You may have noticed if you read my previous post. It was not that I was so indulged into what I did, but I just couldn't stand the problems I had seen in my figure work. I thought I could fix that problem in two hours. However, the hours turned into days, and days became weeks, ... I was like a desperate gambler in front a slot machine, hoping the next quarter I put in it will bring me a good fortune. I was so frustrated. I ignore painting, ignore I have a business to run, ignore my family and I need to eat. I need a life coach or a rehab to fix me up. Boy! I never thought that learning can be so harmful.
Now I force myself putting down my pencils (similar to a smoker putting down the cigarette). I understood (at least theoretically) that craving is a universal disease. It is the source of all suffering.